Seeing roadkill in the morning, sure sets the tone for the rest of the day.

I was driving to work this morning. 8:17 I tweeted about seeing roadkill on the side of the road. I had to stop because as soon as I pull out of my block, a school zone starts. So, I drive up and have to stop directly by the dead skunk. It's death snuck into my car, and found it's way in my nose for the rest of the day. Poor animal.

And then I think, if it was a dead chicken - someone would have cooked it and ate it. I am turned off from meat at the moment.

But, to get to the root of this post: I am having a rather shitty day.

I just want to pull my hair out and cry. I feel so twisted and fucking broken. I want to pick up a knife and puncture holes into my flesh. I have urges time to time but I resist because I know it's so wrong. It's so wrong to harm myself. There are other outlets but nothing feels as good as the sting of sharp, blunt object.

Even the tears stinging the back of my eyelids are refusing to be a release. I am tired. I am so tired. Also, being in love with someone who you have no possible future with is so draining.

I hope tomorrow is better.

1:15 AM

I haven't posted on here in a long time. I completely forgot about this blog because I had tumblr to keep me busy.

A lot has changed in my life since my last post on May 31st, 2012.

Right now, I have this raging headache. It hurts so bad my eyeballs ache. I have developed this knack for writing garbage nobody wants to read. I keep myself occupied by reading a lot of books and overanalyzing every detail of my life until I want to slither out of my body, only to become someone else.

I'm tired. I'm getting older. They say growing older each year should fill you with wisdom -- instead, with me, it's made me bitter and I don't know how I'll survive the rest of my life. I've lost a lot of myself and I'm slowly building my heart back up. The only way to get through everyday is to keep hoping the next day will be better.

I'm a different person. I've shed skin so many times, and my pigment has changed too. I don't know if my mind has regressed, or grown into what I'm supposed to be for now. I'm talking in riddles and I wish I could make sense to you. It somehow works out in my brain, you know?

Perhaps, tomorrow I will post something positive. Possibly share some pictures.

By the way, I love instagram and I have almost, completely given up professional photography. I can't handle the stupidity of the human race. I have faced it: I will never be a people person.

Until next time.